For royal fuck's sake.

I am fed up with self emotional blackmail.

I am beyond defending myself as a fat human being.

I am over being contextually seen as the Great Marshonne.

I give zero fucks about what you think I should idealistically be doing/happen to be good at/blah blah blah.

I don't have the patience for vampires. Y'all seriously 'bout to get staked.

There comes a (tipping) point when you finally have to put the burden of being your supposed self down, and really start delivering YOU.

I don't vent. I do not have a paper diary that I consistently write in (I'll do it maybe every couple of months...) I don't tell the people that I have problems with why I have a problem with them. I stay silent and go about my (un)merry way.

People wonder why I don't agree/hang out more/do X,Y,Z... because I've heard some variation of all that shit at one point or another, and I either don't care to begin with, or someone has proven by their actions that caring is futile.

So yeah, I have a deep self loathing- I'm either too good for something, or far from good enough (I've been told both of those things)

I don't have a solid sense of self esteem.

I actively practice mild forms of self hate.

I dislike most people.

I'm nowhere as strong as my circle seems to think I am.

I'm tired of the approval and the criticism.

I really don't care what most people think of me; and the ones that actually mean something, are no where to be found when I need them. (thanks for the solidification of action/word agreement.)

I'm not suicidal- please don't come clamoring to my electronic or physical door freaking out about that. What this is, is an extremely pissed off M. I've hit my limit with ALL THE FUCKING BULLSHIT THAT HAS BEEN MY LIFE FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS.

And I know exactly what I'm going to do about it.

So don't be surprised if I disappear for awhile- or if you get cut from my life. I'm throwing out a lot of garbage; and everything/everyone is fair game.

Peace and Pieces.

PC and busses

Seriously: Get off your PC-ness (political correctness, polite conservatism, passive cynicism...) and move to the back of the bus. There ARE seats available. Especially if we're on a articulated bus.

If you'd bother paying attention, the majority of people sitting in the back of the bus this time of day are WHITE JUST LIKE YOU. Oh wait - are you scared to sit amongst your peers? Is the stigma too great for you to carry yourself to the back of the bus? Well then- lets all congregate by the front like fucking sheep. Heaven forbid you sit where there is room, and accommodate all of us who want to get home. I call major bullshit on this mentality.

So yeah- take off your headphones and look at me like I'm the rudest thing ever- I know there are seats back there, and I'm going to go sit my fat black butt down. Have fun staring while I ask the two people hogging the center of the back seat to move their baggage so I can sit down. Wake up people. 

This occurred at approx. 4:45 this afternoon, on the route 8 bus from Queen Anne/ Broadway. I take this bus to and from school every day at varying times. The 2:30-6pm homebound run isn't usually bad; maybe it was the Monday idiocy? I have no idea. But seriously folks, get a grip and some common sense. Sheezus Fries.